Joey’s Sleep Story Part 1 - Pacifiers

Of my three kids, Joey has given me the most trouble in the realm of sleep. Her story is long and incredibly convoluted, and not at all typical. A lot has happened and evolved with her sleep schedule, routines, and habits in her 3.5 short years. I can’t talk about it all at once because you wouldn’t want to read it all at once, so this is part 1 - Joey’s paci story.

At the beginning…

When Joey was an infant, she IMMEDIATELY took to her pacifier. As long as she had that paci, she was calm and happy. This was really amazing, because with a brother only 18 months older I needed her to be calm and happy most of the time. She was a really easy baby, sleeping 7 hour stretches by only 5 weeks old and very rarely needing much attention at night. When she did wake up, she would usually take that paci and go right back to sleep.

Naps were the same. She could nap for hours at a time, often needing to be woken to eat. Unless she was in the car of course. She was usually unhappy in the car, but that paci brought her right back to her calm happy self. 

Edited to add: I just spoke about this with Eric - Eric took MOST night feeds with all three kids. He told me I am completely wrong and when she was a tiny baby she would wake up every hour and scream until she was held. She wasn’t hungry so a bottle wouldn’t soothe her, she just needed physical connection and he would hold her literally all night some nights so that she wouldn’t wake Landen. I actually had NO idea that this was happening so thanks for letting me sleep Eric. This was very early on though, so probably the first month. Once more legit sleep training began happening I took over a lot of night stuff because, surprise! I’m better at sleep than Eric. However, this new information is actually a huge foreshadow to the current Joey, so a lot makes sense.

Replacing the Paci on her own…

Anyway, as soon as Joey could replace the paci herself, we began putting 4-6 in her crib at a time so she could always find one at night. She would almost always have one in her mouth and AT LEAST one in each hand to rub on her cheeks. This was gold, because when she woke up at night (as all babies, kids, and adults do between sleep cycles) she did not need our support. She just found a paci or 4 and went back to sleep.
Joey has been and I’m sure always will be my calmest, most independent kid. I remember being in a mommy and me class with her when she was almost 2 and I was talking to one of the other moms about toddler meltdowns and I said that Joey had never had a meltdown. This was shocking to everyone in the room, and honestly I probably wouldn’t have said it if all of these moms didn’t already know Landen and what I deal with with him, but it was true. I think her first real meltdown came when she was around 3 years old (3 has been the hardest age for both kids in terms of meltdowns). But still, her tantrums are short and infrequent. And if she was really upset when she was younger, the pacifier almost always solved the problem.

The pacifier was only for sleep and car rides…

I had never planned on letting her pacifier become a thing. She used it for sleep and car rides. I never wanted her to be the kid at music class singing through her pacifier (this is fine if you have that kid, it’s just not what I wanted!) I taught her to throw it into her crib when she woke up and made a game of it. When we got to our destination in the car, I immediately pulled it out of her mouth and left it in the car seat. Paci’s were for sanity, and for me that meant only sleep and cars.

Until March 2020.

And then Covid happened. Joey was 23 months old when the world shut down, Landen was almost 3.5, and I was 3 months pregnant with Graham. If pacis were for sanity, then pacis were for always during Covid right? She began taking it everywhere with her, but that was fine because “everywhere” meant the living room, kitchen, and basement. There was no music class, so she wouldn’t be the kid singing through her paci. It was fine though, because Covid would be short. We just had to flatten the curve and make it to summer. There were no viruses in the summer, right?

Obviously I was wrong. The pacifier use began to really get out of hand though, and I knew if I had any hope of weaning it EVER I had to start somewhere. So finally when she was almost 2.5, a new school year was starting, and we realized Covid wasn’t going anywhere. I once again told her her paci was only for sleep. We didn’t really go in cars anymore so that wasn’t even a concern. She took to this really quickly and really well and went right back to throwing her paci into her crib when she woke up. She had also dropped her nap at this point so she really was limiting her paci use to night sleep. We were well on our way to successfully dropping the paci.

The time to drop the pacifier had finally arrived…

And then we were getting closer and closer to her third birthday and she was showing no signs that she was going to make it easy for me to take her pacifier away. I knew it was going to be something I had to do intentionally and that it wasn’t going to be easy. So right before her birthday we went to the dentist who basically said as long as she’s only using it at night it’s okay for a bit longer, but start thinking about getting rid of it. 

I did some research on what types of methods I could use to successfully wean Joey from her beloved pacifier. I even bought a parenting course that had a section on pacifier weaning even though I don’t usually love parenting courses because I think they’re geared towards the “typical kid” which Landen is not. Joey generally is though, so I thought maybe this would help. 

Paci party time!!

I decided that I would go with the “bye bye paci party” method combined with a paci fairy. I bought a couple of books on saying goodbye to the pacifier that we read over and over and over again. We talked about why we were getting rid of the paci to keep her teeth healthy. We talked about how she was a big girl and she didn’t need it anymore. We decorated a box to put all of the pacis in for the paci fairy. We celebrated and ate cake and walked around the house finding pacis in every crevice to put in the box. She told me she wanted stuffed sheep to sleep with to replace the pacis, so I immediately Amazon primed a 3 pack. On paci party day, Joey put her box out on the front steps and Eric took Landen and Joey to the playground while I decorated the kitchen for the party. When they got home, the paci box was magically replaced with sheep and we had our party to celebrate. 

She was so excited to be such a big girl at bedtime. I put her to sleep, she cuddled with her new sheep, and then she went to sleep.

Goodbye pacifier! Or so I thought…

Hahahahahahahhahahaha JK she did not go to sleep. She rolled around in her crib for a while. Stood up a few times. I did my best to ignore her. This is actually super normal Joey behavior and she didn't seem so upset so I just let her do her thing. Then eventually she started crying so I went in to check on her. That’s when she broke my heart with her little voice. “Mommy, this is just so hard.”

I tried to explain what a big girl she was, and how proud I was, but nothing was helping. She was just too attached to her pacis and she wasn’t ready. So I asked her if she wanted me to call the paci fairy to get them back, but the paci fairy would need the sheep back. 

And then I began my journey to becoming a sleep consultant.

It wasn’t until a few months later when I began my Sleep Consultant course that I realized how wrong I was. It wasn’t that SHE wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready. I was (and still am) so scared of disturbing the peace at bedtime because of how it may impact sleep that night and moods the next day. We had a good thing going, our routines were perfect, and everyone was sleeping all night every night (this is rare with three small kids). When she told me in that sweet voice how hard it was, I melted and gave in. I decided that when we moved and she got her bed and we were settled in our new house, I would refocus on getting rid of the pacifier.

Obviously getting settled didn’t happen overnight and a lot was going on, but her 3.5 year dental check up gave me the final push. The dentist said her mouth had changed shape and would never go back, but it still wasn’t super serious yet as long as the paci was gone soon. Since she turned 3, Joey has gained 2 baby cousins. We decorated a plastic bag for each of them and “gave the pacis to the babies”. 

Of course I was nervous that we wouldn’t get any sleep that night, but I was way more mentally prepared this time around thanks to everything I learned in my course. I knew that things might not go perfectly, but I also knew that consistency and holding the boundary would pay off quickly. 

Once again Joey seemed so excited to be such a big girl. I was sure it would be just like the last time, but I was going to make it work anyway. I gave her back the sheep she’d been asking about since I took them away the first time and everything was ready to go.

And then bedtime came, and Joey went to sleep.

That’s it. She really went to sleep this time.

Yes she was older and more ready. Yes I was more educated and more ready. Yes she was more excited about giving her pacis to her baby cousins than to an imaginary paci fairy. I don’t know what made all the stars align, but I do know that the confidence and knowledge that I gained from my course helped all of us be better prepared for this transition.

It’s now been 3 months since Joey gave her pacis away, and she hasn’t asked about them once. That’s not to say her sleep has been perfect, because it absolutely has not, but that’s a story for another day.