Getting rid of the pacifier
Up until very recently, I had a love/hate relationship with pacifiers. I loved what they could do for a baby and sleep, but I hated the addiction my toddler had.
Now, it’s just love. That’s right, I love pacifiers. I successfully got rid of Joey’s and I realized that all I needed was a plan and some confidence to do it, so I decided it wasn’t the pacifier’s fault and fell right back in love.
Pacifiers reduce the risk of SIDS. Research has found that pacifiers can prevent 1/2733 deaths. If 385,000 babies are born a year, that means the pacifier is preventing 140 deaths a day or 51,100 deaths a year. (Disclaimer: These are estimates, just some math I played around with based on research I read because I love math and I hate SIDS.)
That alone is enough of a reason to use a pacifier in my mind, but it also has a bunch of other benefits, especially when it comes to sleep, sleep training, and sleeping through the night. You can read all about those benefits in detail here.
If you’ve been following along on the paci saga, you’d know that 1. I am a huge proponent of pacis, especially for infants and especially when sleep training and 2. I have a child who was completely attached to her paci to the point where we could not get rid of it until her dentist told us it wasn’t an option anymore as her mouth was changing shape. One of the biggest cons of using a pacifier as discussed in this post is that eventually you need to get rid of it.
After trying multiple different methods myself for getting rid of the pacifier, and learning about it in my course, I thought it might be helpful to talk about the different options in more detail to help you decide what is right for your family. Weaning the paci will differ based on age and development, the specific child, and parental preference. My recommendation with any sleep change is to choose a method that you think YOU can be consistent with. This means it aligns with your own personal sleep philosophies and doesn’t take you too far out of your comfort zone that you’ll abandon it too quickly.
Paci Weaning for Babies:
Option 1: Cold Turkey
If you are planning on sleep training a baby (approximately less than a year old), you have to decide if you want to use the pacifier as a prop to do this or not. If not, simply stop offering it. There may be an adjustment period, but if you choose a sleep training method that works for you and you stay consistent in your response, your baby will find a new way to self soothe pretty quickly. If you do decide to use it as a sleep training prop, you may have to spend a lot of time replacing the paci (this is exactly what I did and it’s a perfectly fine method if you are able to stay consistent in not falling back on feeding!)
Option 2: Replace it with another prop
This option can work for very young babies, but I don’t recommend it once they’re a little older. You can replace the pacifier with something like rocking or bouncing, but just remember that that’s another prop you’ll have to wean later if you want an independent sleeper. You can also use the Pick up/Put down method or shush/pat when weaning the paci to try to help your baby soothe another way. Again though, this is best for super little ones. After 6-8 months this can make things more difficult.
If you decide to keep it past those baby months, you may find that your baby weans the paci on their own and finds another soothing method they prefer. 2 out of 3 of my kids did this - Landen still twirls his hair five years later and Graham is an avid thumb sucker (DON’T ask me how I’ll end this habit. I sucked my own thumb for 9 years and I am clueless). However, you may also find yourself with a Joey in which case you’ll have to be very intentional about weaning.
Paci Weaning for Toddlers:
Option 1: Paci Fairy
This is sort of like the tooth fairy, except for pacifiers. Have your child put all of the pacis in a bag or box to leave for the fairy. If you’ve read about this method before you may have read to have them leave the pacis for the fairy overnight and when they wake up they can check the mailbox or front door etc. for whatever the fairy left them. I actually prefer to leave the pacis for the fairy and then take the kid out of the house before bedtime while someone else replaces the pacis with a surprise, or even just into another room so they don’t see the exchange. Joey requested a sheep from the fairy, and giving it to her beforehand gave her something to cuddle with when she went to bed without her pacis. Toddler brains do not understand the idea of waiting for their prize, and they are more likely to do better with instant gratification.
Option 2: Throw them away
Some kids are visual learners and need to see the pacis go away to understand that they are really gone. This lets them know they won’t be coming back. Throw them in the garbage together! They’ll love it. Seriously, is anyone else’s toddler obsessed with trash? Bonus: This holds you accountable too! I “called the paci fairy” to bring Joey’s pacis home (10/10 do not recommend). This is much more difficult if they are literally in the garbage.
Option 3: Put it in a build a bear
I LOVE this for so many reasons. This allows you to replace the pacifier with another special sleep prop that the paci will always be inside of. Your child can be fully involved in the experience, and then they leave with a brand new cuddly creature for their crib/bed. Such a sweet transition. Bonus: when I took my kids to build a bear this summer the employees were some of the only people in the mall wearing masks.
Option 4: Give them to a baby.
This obviously depends on if you have a baby in your life or not, but this can be done with siblings, cousins, friends, any baby that your child knows. Just tell them they’re a big kid now but the baby needs pacis! Have them decorate a box to put them in to deliver them to the baby. You can even have them involved in passing the pacifiers along to their new home.
Option 5: Bye Bye Paci Party
This is exactly what it sounds like. Throw your child a party to celebrate becoming a big kid, similar to a birthday party, to get them excited about getting rid of their pacis. I like to combine this method with any of the methods above. It really ties it together and finalizes the pacifier in a celebratory proud way. I got rid of Joey’s pacifier twice (yes I failed the first time and that’s okay!) and both times we used this method with another. The first time we had a paci party and gave them to the paci fairy. The second time we had a paci party and gave them to her two baby cousins.
Option 6: Weaning Kit
Frida Baby makes a pacifier weaning kit. It uses a pretty specific type of pacifier though, so it wouldn’t have worked for me because it wasn’t the paci Joey used, but if you use that paci then it could work. It basically comes with 5 pacifiers with smaller and smaller nipple sizes until the nipple is gone, and it has instructions for exactly how to wean.
Other than the paci weaning kit, all of these methods are essentially different ways to discuss taking a pacifier away cold turkey. Occasional use of the pacifier or taking it away and giving it back for different situations can be incredibly confusing for little ones. Once you decide that you’re going to get rid of the pacifier and what method you’re going to use, choose a date on the calendar WITH your toddler to really empower them and involve them in the process. Maybe create a countdown to make time more concrete since time is a super abstract concept for toddlers. I like to make a countdown chain whenever we’re waiting for something, and my kids love tearing a piece off each morning. Then prepare yourself for a few tough days and nights. Most kids bounce back within 3 days of giving up their paci, 5 days maximum.
You’ve got this!