Bedtime Routines
Every night after my kids go to bed, I need about two hours to unwind. Sometimes I have dinner, sometimes I eat with them. But I always like to get into my pajamas and just sit on the couch or in bed and watch tv and relax. If my kids have trouble getting to bed, I do too. If everyone is asleep by 715, I can get in two hours to myself before I go to sleep. If little Ms. sleep shenanigans has trouble getting to sleep, I get less time to myself and I get anxious and wound up. My sleep starts later and is often more fragmented or shorter. When my routine is thrown off, my sleep is thrown off. This is also true if I go out and get home after bedtime, or if I’m traveling and my routine is off or if I’m not in my own bed with my own pillows.
This is true for our kids too. They need time to wind down and without it things can get thrown off at bedtime. They also need consistency in the routine and a stable environment for ideal sleep.
Enter: The Bedtime Routine. A solid consistent bedtime routine is incredibly important for healthy sleep habits. It helps us and our little ones calm down before sleep and has been found to have many benefits for helping kids sleep better and longer. It also helps kids know what’s coming, which is so important for their little brains to be able to transition from play to sleep, and it gives them a little control over the situation.
Aspects of a good bedtime routine
There are six things I do every night in my house and recommend to all clients that I work with to create the “perfect” bedtime routine.
The “routine” actually begins way before bedtime when the screens are put away. I recommend getting rid of screens 90 minutes - 2 hours before your desired bedtime. We personally stop all screens before dinner. Screens and blue light inhibit the production of melatonin, so they can definitely interfere with sleep. I know this isn’t always possible, just do your best! (She says while actively admitting to watching tv for two hours herself before bed - but I promise my kids don’t 99.99% of the time!)
Nutrition - If you have a baby with a breast or bottle feed then this will be their before bed nutrition. If you have an older baby or toddler, then dinner will fill this cup. Some kids may need a bedtime snack, others may not. Sometimes my kids have a snack before bed, sometimes they don’t, but no matter what the food is always the first thing that happens at night when we’re beginning to unwind, and it happens before we go upstairs to get ready for bed.
Hygiene - This includes a bath and teeth brushing, and potty if your little one is potty trained. Before a baby has teeth, you likely won’t be brushing them so it’s okay if the feed comes after this step, but it’s a good idea to keep the feed as close to the beginning of the routine to avoid a feed to sleep association (if this isn’t something you want). Once the teeth are in, you want this to happen after the feed or any dinner or bedtime snacks to prevent dental issues.
The bath doesn’t have to happen every night, but the act of getting in and out of the tub decreases our body temperature which speeds up the production of Melatonin, the sleep hormone. You can also just do a sponge bath with a warm wash cloth for the same effect!
Communication - This looks different for every family, but it usually includes something like a book, song, or prayer. This also evolves over time as your babies turn into toddlers and then preschoolers and have different needs and opinions. I like to keep it short for the little guys, because as they get bigger the demands get bigger and the routine inevitably gets longer.
Physical Contact - this also looks different for every family, but this is the final step to conclude the routine. It may include rocking, snuggling, hugs and kisses. This can look however you want it to look! I often recommend keeping communication and physical contact together - read a book while cuddling for example - because this helps keep the routine short and sweet.
Key Phrase - choose a “sleep phrase” that you will say every night, or before every nap, or even when putting them back down after a night waking. Making this the very last thing said or done before sleep conditions their brains to know that sleep is coming. When they hear the phrase they’ll know the routine is over and it’s time to transition to sleep.
I know this looks like a lot, but try to keep it short and simple, especially if you have littler ones because like I said, the bigger they get the more they’ll stall and the longer the routine will get. And especially if you have more than one kid. If each of my kids had a long routine, it would take me three hours to get through bedtime. 10/10 do not recommend. Start short! Check out a few sample bedtime routines for different ages below, and a sneak peak into what bedtime looks like at my house with three small kiddos.
Sample newborn/infant Routine
Bottle/breastfeed
Bath
Lotion
Diaper, pajamas, swaddle/sleepsack
Song, rock
Sound machine on, lights out, in bed
Sample Baby Routine
Bottle/breastfeed
Dinner
Bath
Lotion
Diaper, pajamas
Short book
Sleepsack
Song, rock
Sound machine on, lights out, in bed
Sample Toddler Routine
Dinner
Bath, brush teeth, potty and/or diaper
Pajamas
Child picks one or two books
Sleep sack or tuck in
Song, cuddle
Sound machine on, lights out, in bed
If you have a child that still naps, it’s incredibly helpful to have a nap routine too. It doesn’t have to be complicated though! It can be an abbreviated version of the bedtime routine - maybe just a book and a cuddle, and then into bed. Keeping the environment the same helps too! (Darkness, sleep sack, sound machine).
But what’s the point? What are the ACTUAL benefits?
A predictable routine adds calm to the chaos, making babies feel safe and secure.
Winding down helps your child move from play to sleep effectively leading to better, more restorative sleep.
A routine helps YOU, the caregiver relax, and babies have mirror neurons which means their moods emulate yours.
A routine helps eliminate or minimize sleep disturbances.
A routine cues the brain to know that sleep is coming, leading to drowsiness.
Common components of a bedtime routine contribute to positive outcomes in other non sleep related aspects of development
language development and literacy
emotional and behavioral regulation
good parent - child attachment outcomes
Here’s what our routine looks like in our house with 3
Dinner
Play time after dinner
*SOMETIMES* banana and apple sauce bedtime snack if they’re hungry
Dad takes Mr. 2 for a bath
Mom gets Mr. 2 out of the bath and takes him for diaper and pajamas and brushes his teeth
Dad gives Mr. 6 and Ms. 4 a bath
Big kids brush teeth in the bath (10/10 recommend this because they can’t run away)
Dad puts Mr. 2 to bed while mom gets pajamas on Mr.6 and Ms. 4
Mr. 2’s routine: short book, rockabye baby, goodnight moon while putting on sleep sack, he turns on his sound machine and turns off his lights, goodnight kisses, in bed.
Mom puts Ms. 4 to bed while dad reads with Mr. 6
Ms. 4’s routine: 2 books (she chooses), sound machine on lights out, goodnight kisses. 3 check ins from mom (aka mom goes in and out for an extra kiss 3 times within about 30 seconds). 2 check ins from dad after mom leaves.
Mom puts Mr. 6 to bed while dad does Ms. 4’s check ins
Mr. 6’s routine: 2 books (he chooses), rockabye baby, goodnight moon, sound machine on, lights out, a few very short goodnight songs, goodnight kisses. 1 check in from mom with twinkle twinkle. (You can actually read his full routine here.)
Our whole routine (if you count dinner and after dinner play time) starts around 5 and ends around 7, BUT dinner and play time not included, the baths start around 615 and all three kids are in bed by 7!
This routine has changed and evolved tons of times over the last 6 years, and it certainly doesn’t go exactly as planned every night. Things changed as the kids got older and started having opinions. Things changed as new babies got added into the mix. Things change every day. It’s normal and it’s okay. The important thing is finding a routine that works for you and be flexible when you or your kids need a change for any reason.