Landen’s Sleep Story Part 4: Learning to use the OK to Wake Clock

I recently wrote a more general post on Ok to wake clocks and how to use them. You can find that here. This is all about my own journey using this clock with my low sleep needs, high emotional/connection needs, very early rising and deeply feeling oldest child. I am writing this because I value honesty in this space. I follow a lot of parenting accounts and many of the tips and tricks they share do not work for neurodivergent kids. My son has Sensory Processing Disorder, severe anxiety, and OCD tendencies with possible ADHD as well. 

Giving choices, reward charts, prepping him, gentle/positive parenting scripts, holding boundaries and then swooping in to move his 50 pound flailing kicking screaming body to where I need it to be while remaining totally patient and calm, I’ve tried them all. I’ve bought a very popular parenting course and as I watched the videos I realized that yes, these tips could help me parent my other child(ren - Graham is still TBD), but it was pretty much useless for him. 

This was the case with introducing the OK to wake clock too. So I did just write a post about how to use it and implement it, and those tips and tricks were aimed at the typical child, but it hasn’t been that simple with my own child. And it might not be that simple for you either, so I don’t want you to think that means you’re doing anything wrong.

So here’s our story. Spoiler: It has not been an easy journey and I don’t want to say it’s over, but it has truly been worth the effort to implement this as part of his morning routine to start the day off on the right track. 

Introducing the Gro Clock

When Landen was about 2.5 I decided to try to start using a clock to tell him when wake up time was. He was still in a crib and I had no intention of changing that, but I just wanted to see if maybe he would go back to sleep in those early morning hours, and if not, just not scream for me. This was a kid who ALWAYS screamed when he woke up and NEVER rolled around and played in his crib until morning time, so I knew it might be an uphill battle. I was willing to try though. 

I started out with the Tommee Tippee Gro clock. At the time we loved it. Looking back, I wish we had just started with the Hatch because this clock did not “Gro” with Landen.

The Gro is a super cute clock that turns on a moon and stars at night, and then for your desired wake up time the sun turns on. My favorite part of this clock was that the stars would disappear throughout the night, and when they were gone the sun would come up. So Landen learned that if there was only one star left, wake up time was coming soon, but if 2 or more stars were still up it was probably time to try to fall back asleep. 

It also came with a super cute book about farm animals, and the pig doesn’t get enough sleep at night so his friends get him the Gro clock to teach him how to “stay in bed until the sun comes up”. Landen actually really loved this book, and it resonated with him. He would ask me to read it before bed and it seemed like it was helping him understand that sleep at night is important to have a fun day.

One last thing that I loved about the clock was that it could be dimmed. This was super important for my light sensitive toddler (sensory blog coming up next!). We dimmed it as much as we could so that the background light was off and there was only a tiny light from the shapes of the moon and stars.

This worked great when Landen was in a crib. He just needed to know what time was morning time, and the clock told him that. So if the moon was up, he stayed in bed, lying down or rolling around and playing with the animals in his crib. Sometimes I’d even leave some books next to the crib and he’d grab them and “read” before waking up. As soon as the sun came up, he’d call for me to come get him.

I set the clock for 6, which was my desired wake up time then when his bedtime was usually around 6:30. He was always up before 6, and my goal with the clock was to get him to just chill in there until 6. It worked great for this purpose *most days*.

But the clock wasn’t perfect.

However, there were definitely a few downsides. For me, the biggest downside was that if the clock was set for 6, once Landen was in his bed it couldn’t be changed, and if by some miracle he did sleep past 6, the light from the sun on the clock woke him up (ask me about my first daylight savings disaster with this clock). There were also days that he was waking up at 5:15 or earlier. On these days, 45+ minutes in the crib for a sensory seeker who desperately needed his mama during all waking moments was a very long time to wait. There was a lot of troubleshooting and trying to teach him to go back to sleep on these days. All in all though, it was pretty successful.

When Landen switched to a bed, the Gro clock actually continued to work for a little longer. He would still lay in his bed and call for me when the sun came up (most days) because he is very routine oriented. However, he gradually began to realize that he didn’t have to call for me at wake up time. He could just walk out of his room and get me.

And that’s when the Gro completely stopped working.

I was pretty determined to make it work and retrain him to use it so I changed the time back to around 5:30 and then tried to stretch it a little each day. I also introduced a sticker chart to try to get him excited about staying in his bed.

Both of these were total failures. First, the sun setting was much brighter than the moon setting. So on days that Landen WAS still sleeping when the sun came up, it would immediately wake him, so moving the clock earlier was backfiring. And second, he could not have cared less about the reward chart. Sticker charts are just really not motivating for him. I actually even remember asking my brother and sister in law (who have 4 kids who all stay in their rooms until their clocks come on) how to make that sticker chart more successful. My brother said “If the sticker chart doesn’t work, the sticker chart doesn’t work. You can’t change that”.

This is when I realized that it wasn’t about the chart, it was about the kid. I had to come up with a new plan if I wanted to get those 6 am wake ups back. 

Enter: The Hatch Clock

That is when we introduced the Hatch. Landen’s patience had to be stretched VERY slowly, so when we first got the hatch I turned the light on immediately when I saw or heard him waking up. Upon wake up, we celebrated together. This was what worked for him. Positive reinforcement and attention from mom are his love language, especially when his sister was sleeping and I was all his. 

Then I continued to stretch it a few more minutes every few days until he really grasped the concept of the clock. It has been an uphill battle but well worth it. There were days that I had to sit outside his room while he kicked and screamed at the door until the clock came on. There were days that I walked him back silently for 1-2 HOURS every couple of minutes until the clock came on. There were days when I just couldn’t do it anymore and I told him he could come out early for a one day special treat, only to find (of course) that he wanted a special treat the next day and the next day too. When I tell you that implementing this clock has been a battle, I am not lying. And this is at SLEEP TIME with a great sleeper. This, my friends, is why I have not attempted quiet time with this child. I do not have the energy.

Once I got the Hatch, I also tried relentlessly to teach him that he could play in his room by himself before the light came on. We picked out a favorite toy each night before bed. We set up a little play corner in his room. I told him he could pick a color for sleep, play, and wake up.

This was not part of his plan though. He did not want a play color at all. Landen is pretty good at playing independently for a kid with so many sensory/anxiety needs, but he’s not good at playing alone. This means that keeping him in his room is not feasible. His toys must be in the room that I am in for him to be independent. And when Landen makes up his mind about something like this, he will not change it (HELLO OCD). This, my friends, is why I have not attempted quiet time with this child. I do not have the energy.

We have seen a lot of success with the Hatch Clock.

He stays in his room longer now, and goes back in without a meltdown if he tries to come out before the clock is on. He does not have a play setting on his clock because that is not part of his routine as he created it (HELLO OCD). In a perfect world, I would have his play light come on at 6 and his leave the room light come on at 6:30 to really give me an hour to myself in the morning. But that’s not possible (even though the internet tells me it should be) so I take what I can get. I now NEVER let him out before 6, but usually he’s in his room until about 6:15, 6:30 if we’re lucky. He lays in his bed in the dark until his clock comes on and that’s a decision he made, and what works for him and his sensory needs.

But it’s still not perfect.

I could stop here, but then this post would be a lie. Because as I am writing this we are maybe 3 or more years into using an Ok to Wake Clock with Landen, and just this morning he came out of his room before the clock came on and briefly refused to go back in. 

It’s not perfect by any means. He still struggles daily. My favorite part though is that 2 years after we got the Hatch, I still control it from my phone. If I see him getting really antsy, I do still make the clock earlier and celebrate with him and remind him of the rules of the clock and why we use it. Since Landen is so sensitive to light, I still to this day do not turn the clock on until he is visibly awake. Otherwise, it will wake him up. This feature is gold for me. The Gro clock, as mentioned, did wake him up on days that he was miraculously sleeping past our desired wake up time, which was incredibly annoying. 

Unlike most stories where people share that now their kid is in bed until 7 so the clock is permanently set for 7, this has never and will never work for us. 

How do I know when he’s “waking up” ?

So now the question may be how do I know that Landen is or isn’t waking up to change the time on the clock? Well this is where our routine differs from most people who successfully use these clocks. Landen doesn’t actually stay in his room until the light comes on EVER. He always, 100% of the days, comes to me before the clock comes on to see when the clock will turn on. This usually happens when he wakes up to pee, or when his body just naturally wakes up, but either way he has to know what is coming next. This is part of his sensory processing and anxiety/ocd issues. This will not change until he can tell time (or until I find an effective therapist) and truly understand the concept of what five minutes means. And this is why my 5.5 year old still has a monitor in his room.

Now, 99% of the time I am awake before him because I’m an early riser. I try to get out of bed by around 5:30 and keep him in his room until 6/6:15. 6:30 on days that I’m really winning. I try to keep the lights off in the house because when he comes out he’ll think it’s morning if it’s not dark and will refuse to go back in his room. But 100% of the time, I set the clock for much later than he could possibly wake up (usually around 6:30) and then adjust it when he comes out to ask how much longer. 

He knows that 5 minutes is less than 10, and 10 is less than 20, but he doesn’t really know what 10 minutes feels like. So when he comes to wake me up if I tell him the clock is coming on in 5 minutes, he gets in bed and waits easily. If I tell him 10, he whines a little bit and asks if I can change it to 5 (the answer is always no). If I tell him “a long time” which is what I tell him if it’s earlier than 5:45 (or still visibly dark outside), he always, always, always, without fail, becomes angry and dysregulated. Today was one of those days.

This is where I want you to listen to me very closely. It is okay to hold your boundary, even if you have a neurodivergent kid, and even if that boundary is never received happily or fully learned. Landen is mad every morning when I walk him back to his room, and I continue to do it. It’s not even about him, because I know he’s a great sleeper and I know he has low sleep needs so I know he doesn’t need to (and won’t) go back to sleep.

I cannot start my day with him by my side. I need some time to myself in the morning and that is why I use the clock. It’s not so that I can sleep later (and it’s totally fine if that’s why you use it! I just know I won’t be sleeping later no matter what). Over the years, Landen has become much better at going back into his room and staying until the clock comes on, but I know that if he’s up really early one day (like today) it’s going to be harder to keep him there and it may mean I have to walk him back multiple times even though we’re 3 years into holding this boundary. 

I’m pretty bad at writing conclusions, so I’m just going to leave this here because honestly, I know there is no conclusion to this story. I know it’s going to be a battle until Landen is truly independent, and I know that this is going to take longer for him than typical kids his age, and I’m going to continue to remind myself that that’s ok.