Landen’s sleep story part 3: Nap Transitions

Landen was premature, and I didn’t have a full understanding of high vs. average vs. low sleep needs when he was born because the internet kept telling me kids slept 12 hours at night and napped around 2 - 5 hours a day depending on age. 

Prematurity plus lack of understanding led me to make some assumptions about Landen’s sleep which dictated how and when I handled his nap transitions and really set the scene for the first year of his life.

Yes, Landen slept through the night early on. Yes, Landen dropped all feedings early on. I worked hard to make that happen because those were things I understood and felt I could control. 

However, Landen woke up EARLY for that first year (haha JK he still wakes up early). He was ALWAYS up by 6, usually by 5:30, but sometimes as early as 4:30/5. And even with those early wake ups, Landen NEVER took long naps. He was stuck in a 30-45 minute nap cycle for at least the first 9 months. 

I wish I knew then what I know now…

Looking back and knowing what I now know, there were a few things driving the early mornings and short naps, some out of my control and some that I could have changed.

First, probably most importantly and also totally out of my control, Landen is a low sleep needs kid. It felt like everything I read said that babies are supposed to sleep 12 hours at night and 7pm - 7am is the most common time because of hormones and natural circadian rhythm and stuff. And then they were supposed to take 1-4 naps depending on age and those naps should be at least 60-90 minutes, or even up to 2 hours, 3 if you’re down to one nap. It also felt like everything I read said if my baby did NOT sleep this much, they needed an early bedtime to avoid becoming overtired. 

Landen certainly did not fit this mold…

Landen NEVER slept 12 hours at night and very very rarely took a 60-90 minute nap. He always had an early bedtime. This was MY first mistake. I desperately wanted to get him on a 7-7 schedule and since his body only needed 10.5-11 hours at night he kept waking up “early”, I kept trying to get him to nap too soon leading to short naps, I fell into an early bed early wake cycle (Landen’s bedtime was 6/6:30 until he was almost 4 years old), and I transitioned his naps way later than necessary. I kept reading and trying new things and nothing worked and yet no one told me that these numbers were averages and Landen was waking up happy and well rested and getting the sleep HE needed for HIS body and he was doing just fine. 

The 4-3 nap transition

SO anyway, the nap transitions. Landen transitioned to 3 naps later than he needed to. He was happily going down for naps 1, 2, and 3, but nap 4 was a struggle every day. I was so convinced that he needed that nap because of his early wake ups and short naps that I basically forced it to happen by strapping him into the carrier and bouncing/jumping/dancing in a dark room with white noise for way too many minutes until he fell asleep, and then pacing around the room for at least 30 minutes because once the motion stopped he was definitely waking up.

There’s a tiny Landen attached to me

When people around me were surprised that he was still taking 4 naps, I always stated the fact that aside from his early wakings and his short naps, he was premature and the internet told me to use his adjusted age (guys don’t listen to the internet as much as I did in those early days - learn about your kid instead). I also had myself convinced that his wake windows were based on his nap length. If he took a 90 minute nap, I’d give him a 90 minute wake window. If he took a 30-45 minute nap, I’d give him a 45-60 minute wake window. Looking back, what Landen probably actually needed was to drop that 4th nap a little sooner, stretch the wake windows a little longer, and be allowed to thrive on his own low sleep needs schedule. He simply needed more awake time during the day. 

The 3-2 nap transition

I wish I could say I figured it out by the 3-2 nap transition, but I did not. Most babies transition to 2 naps is between 6-9 months. Landen was a little over 9 months. This fits into normal range, but if you recall, Landen is low sleep needs. Low sleep needs kids usually transition on the earlier end of the spectrum (Joey was just under 7 months). So, once again, I wasn’t giving this kid enough awake time during the day and it was leading to short naps and early mornings putting me in a cycle of thinking he needed more naps, perpetuating the cycle of short naps and early mornings, and so on.

This was all pretty manageable though. He took his short naps so I gave him another, and he was an only child and I was a stay at home mom so I just made it work however we needed to on a given day. He woke up early but I’m a morning person so his 6/630 bedtime and 5/530 wake up were honestly perfect for me. I would have probably been up at that time to exercise anyway if he was sleeping until 7, so instead I just took him to the gym with me and dropped him at the babysitting. We had a system and we rolled with it. 

The 2-1 nap transition

But then we came upon 2-1 nap territory. I will never forget the week I realized it was time to transition and the month it took this kid to get back to normal (his normal). 

We were in Florida for Christmas break and Landen was a little over 14 months old. He was waking up at 4/430 every morning. This was TOTALLY normal for him when traveling. He is incredibly sensitive to the environment and has basically never slept past 5 when not in his own room. 4 was a little early though. He was so tired that he’d fall asleep immediately in his crib for his first nap which was NOT normal for him. Because of his sensitivity to environment, naps not at home almost always had to happen in the car or stroller. A vacation crib nap was basically unheard of. But even though he was exhausted, the naps only lasted about 30 minutes. And then even though he was exhausted, up way too early and taking a short nap also way too early, the second nap was a complete fail. He wouldn’t go down at all and my sister and I would walk him in the stroller every day that trip hoping he’d sleep for 20-30 minutes to take the edge off before 6 pm.

And he’s passed out mid ice cream bite.

We are always tired on vacation because things are always off (worth it though, always take the trip, especially if the trip is to Disney World). But this one really stands out in my memory (right alongside vomit fest 2019 when both kids threw up on me for 6 days straight in Florida and I almost took them to the ER for IVs, but that’s a story for another day). After this week I knew it was time to make some changes.

I waited until I got home.

Guys, do yourselves a favor and always wait until you’re home. 

And then I decided to jump right into the transition cold turkey. This was hard. Really really hard. Imagine a kid who was previously waking up at 4/430 am and could definitely not yet tolerate more than a 4 hour wake window MAX. This puts nap time at 8/830 am. Now I need to get him to like 11 or later for a one nap schedule. Insanity.

But he’s also very sensitive to change, so he wasn’t the type of kid who could bounce back and forth between 1 and 2 nap days. Cold turkey was really the only way for us to get through this.

While in Florida I was able to successfully and painfully stretch him to 9/930 maybe 10 some days because we were surrounded by family and had lots of activities and support, AND I was still forcing that second nap in the afternoon. At home I had to find activities and I had to find them fast.

BUT, and this is where really knowing my kid came in handy, I knew two things. 1. These activities could not be more than 5-8 minutes from our house. Landen has always loved a good car nap and has never, not once, ever, in his entire life, successfully transferred to his crib for a nap. 5 minutes in the car ruined the whole nap for the day. And 2. I knew that his afternoon wake window was always more flexible. He was more likely to be able to be awake from 12-6 than from 6 - 12. So I kept his nap relatively early during the beginning of the transition. I literally fed him lunch at 10 and got him down by 1030/11. 

It still took him some time to stretch the nap. Some days he would still only nap 30-45 minutes and I would have to stretch the nap by taking him in the car or stroller (a strategy I often suggest to parents with much younger babies who are nap training). Some days I’d miss his window and he’d be so overtired that he refused to go down at all, so into the car we went.

When people ask about nap transitions, I always say and will stand by the fact that 2-1 is the hardest. This is solely based on my PTSD from the month is took to get back into a rhythm. Did I mention that I was pregnant with Joey? The 4 am wake ups nearly killed me, but once we got Landen solidly on one nap that wake up time began to stretch later and later until he was back to 5/5:30.

The naps still  weren’t long though. This is where his low sleep needs came into play. Some days he would take a long 2-3 hour nap, but most days it was 90 minutes or less. And you know what? He was still happy and thriving and he just didn’t need as much sleep as I wanted him to need.