Bedtime Routines

Every night after my kids go to bed, I need about two hours to unwind. Sometimes I have dinner, sometimes I eat with them. But I always like to get into my pajamas and just sit on the couch or in bed and watch tv and relax. On nights that my kids have trouble getting to bed, I do too. If everyone is asleep by 715, I can get in two hours to myself before I need to go to sleep. If little Ms. sleep shenanigans has trouble getting to sleep, I get less time to myself and I get anxious and wound up. My sleep starts later and is often more fragmented or shorter. When my routine is thrown off, my sleep is thrown off. This is actually true if I go out and get home after bedtime, or if I’m traveling and my routine is off or I’m not in my own bed with my own pillows.

This is true for our kids too. They also need time to wind down and without it things can get thrown off at bedtime. They also need consistency and routine and a stable environment for ideal sleep.

Enter: The Bedtime Routine. A solid consistent bedtime routine is incredibly important for healthy sleep habits. It helps us and our little ones calm down before sleep and has been found to have many benefits for helping kids sleep better and longer. It also helps kids know what’s coming, which is so important for their little brains to be able to transition from play to sleep, and it gives them a little control over the situation. 

Aspects of a good bedtime routine

There are five things I do every night in my house and recommend to all clients that I work with to create the “perfect” bedtime routine.

1. The “routine” actually begins way before bedtime when the screens are put away. I recommend getting rid of screens 90 minutes - 2 hours before your desired bedtime. Screens inhibit the production of melatonin, so they can definitely interfere with sleep. I know this isn’t always possible, just do your best! (She says while actively admitting to watching tv for two hours herself before bed - but I promise my kids don’t 99% of the time!)

2. Nutrition - If you have a baby with a breast or bottle feed then this will be his or her before bed nutrition. If you have an older baby or toddler, then dinner will fill this cup. Some kids may need a bedtime snack, others may not, I’m not a feeding expert. Sometimes my kids have a snack before bed, sometimes they don’t, but no matter what the food is always the first thing that happens at night when we’re beginning to unwind.

3. Hygiene - This includes a bath and teeth brushing, and potty if your little one is potty trained. Before a baby has teeth, you likely won’t be brushing them so it’s okay if the feed comes after this step, but it’s a good idea to keep the feed as close to the beginning of the routine to avoid a feed to sleep association (if this isn’t something you want). Once the teeth are in, you want this to happen after the feed to prevent dental issues. 

4. Communication - This looks different for every family, but it usually includes something like a book, song, or prayer. This also evolves over time as your babies turn into toddlers and then preschoolers and have different needs and opinions. In my house we have one kid who gets books and songs, one who usually just wants books but occasionally requests a song, and one who gets Goodnight Moon recited from memory followed by Rockabye Baby (which is the original routine that all three started with). 

5. Physical Contact - this also looks different for every family, but this is the final step to conclude the routine. It may include rocking, snuggling, hugs and kisses. This can look however you want it to look! 

I know this looks like a lot, but try to keep it short and simple, especially if you have littler ones because the bigger they get the more they’ll stall and the longer the routine will get. And especially if you have more than one kid. If each of my kids had a long routine, it would take me three hours to get through bedtime. 10/10 do not recommend. Start short! I like to do communication and physical contact together to move along quickly through the routine. There’s no reason why you can’t read books while cuddling, or sing songs while rocking. Check out a few sample bedtime routines for different ages below, and a sneak peak into what bedtime looks like at my house with three preschool aged kiddos.

Sample newborn/infant Routine

• Bottle/breastfeed

• Bath

• Lotion

• Diaper, pajamas, swaddle/sleepsack

• Song, rock

• Sound machine on, lights out, in bed

Sample Baby Routine

• Bottle/breastfeed

• Dinner

• Bath

• Lotion

• Diaper, pajamas

• Short book

• Sleepsack

• Song, rock

• Sound machine on, lights out, in bed

Sample Toddler Routine

• Dinner

• Bath, brush teeth, potty and/or diaper

• Pajamas

• Child picks one or two books

• Sleep sack or tuck in

• Song, cuddle

• Sound machine on, lights out, in bed

If you have a child that still naps, it’s incredibly helpful to have a nap routine too. Check out this post about Landen as an infant and how I learned the importance of a nap routine. It doesn’t have to be complicated though! It can be an abbreviated version of the bedtime routine - maybe just a book and a cuddle, and then into bed. Keeping the environment the same helps too! (Darkness, sleep sack, sound machine).

Here’s what our routine looks like in our house with 3

1. Dinner

2. Play time after dinner

3. *SOMETIMES* banana and apple sauce bedtime snack if they’re hungry

4. Dad takes Graham for a bath

5. Mom gets Graham out of the bath and takes him for diaper and pajamas and brushes his teeth

6. Dad gives Landen and Joey a bath

7. Big kids brush teeth in the bath (10/10 recommend this because they can’t run away)

8. Dad puts Graham to bed while mom gets pajamas on Landen and Joey

   Graham’s routine: rockabye baby, goodnight moon, Graham turns on his sound machine and turns off his lights, goodnight kisses, in bed

9. Mom puts Joey to bed while dad reads with Landen

   Joey’s routine: 2 books (she chooses), sound machine on lights out, goodnight kisses. 3 check ins from mom (aka mom goes in and out for an extra kiss 3 times within about 30 seconds). 2 check ins from dad after mom leaves.

10. Mom puts Landen to bed while dad does Joey’s check ins

    Landen’s routine: 2 books (he chooses), rockabye baby, goodnight moon, sound machine on, lights out, a few very short goodnight songs, goodnight kisses. 1 check in from mom with twinkle twinkle.

Our whole routine (if you count dinner and after dinner play time) starts around 5 and ends around 7, BUT dinner and play time not included, the baths start around 615 and all three kids are in bed by 7!

This routine has changed and evolved tons of times over the last 5.5 years, and it certainly doesn’t go exactly as planned every night. Things changed as the kids got older and started having opinions. Things changed as new babies got added into the mix. Things change every day. It’s normal and it’s okay.The important thing is finding a routine that works for you and be flexible when you or your kids need a change for any reason.